after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
