why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
