Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
