Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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