my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
