On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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