He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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