a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
