i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
