My first STD was from a foam party
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
