I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
