you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
