yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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