i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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