I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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