How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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