So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my god I love twenty year old dicks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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