It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
