I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
