it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
