Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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