Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
either way he was missing a nipple.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
