allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
