awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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