well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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