Pappa wants mamma naked
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
