from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
