you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
