By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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