im having a threesome with these popsicles
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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