i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
