ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
