well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
