i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
