In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
