I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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