we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
