eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
