im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I believe in your delicious
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
