Pants 0. Shit 1.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
