My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
