C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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