theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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