i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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