I am puke
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
