I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
