If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
