thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
