I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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