sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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