Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
